Apples and Oranges
by SoraxKairi7
Summary: Sora and Kairi have the perfect relationship. Riku secretly longs for a love like they share, but never really had any luck. That is, until he meets Namine. "You're... spunky. Prom with me?" "Oh, Riku, you have so much to learn. I can teach you, but if you want to woo Kairi's cousin, you'll have to do something about that hair of yours. She doesn't date sexually confused men."
1. Fml

**A/N**: In a desperate attempt to write, I have come up with this story idea. I've been wanting to do a Riku/Namine story for the longest time. Let's see how this goes. As always, feedback is appreciated.

o.o.o

**Apples and Oranges**

**Summary:** Sora and Kairi seem to have the perfect relationship. Riku secretly longs for a love like they share, but never really had any luck. That is, until he meets Namine. "You're... spunky. Prom with me?" "Oh, Riku... you have so much to learn. I can teach you, but if you want to woo Kairi's cousin, you'll have to do something about that hair of yours. She doesn't date sexually confused men."

Written in Riku's point of view.

o.o.o  
o.o.o

Chapter One

o.o.o

I don't know what's worse: Kairi threatening me with scissors or Sora telling me the difference between heels and stilettos.

Seriously, I didn't sign up for this.

Wait, _why_ were we doing this again?

"You have to look snazzy for your blind date with my cousin." Kairi answers promptly, as if she could read the baffled look on my face. The scissors inched ever so closer to my long, beautiful silver hair (that took me at least a year to grow out, mind you) and out of instinct, I dashed over to the other side of the room without a second thought.

"_Riku_," Kairi crossed her arms and pouted, "I'm _telling you_, this is the best thing for you. You want to know why you're so alone?"

Way to be subtle.

"Enlighten me," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Kairi, I don't think he can handle the truth." Sora happened to add.

"Yeah, you're right. He can't."

"Sure I can!" I argued.

"No he can't." Sora and Kairi said in unison. Kairi pulled out her makeup box and started shuffling through, as if she was looking for something that her life depended on, but eventually ended up throwing the box onto the floor out of frustration.

"Oh, come on. Just tell me..."

Kairi gave me the most defying glare. After a few exchanged looks with Sora, she finally gave in.

Yes, I was getting my way.

"You _really_ want to know?"

"Are we going to keep going in circles?"

Kairi sighed and tried her best to organize the scrambled words in her head. After feeling confident enough, she straightened up and looked me right in the eyes.

"Riku, you've never kept a relationship for longer than a month. You see women as a commodity rather than real people and don't take anything seriously. You're not fit to be with anyone. Your cologne makes me gag and your hair could probably be used for an Herbal Essence commercial. That's _not_ a good thing. Also, you're angsty as all get out. Sometimes I want to take that negativity and shove it up your ass. Seriously, man up. You're a _hot mess_."

Well, damn.

"Apply alcohol to the burned area..." Sora chuckled to himself.

"You asked for it." Kairi said simply and went back to what she was doing, as if she didn't just completely shatter every dream and desire I ever had.

"So if I'm not fit to be in a relationship, why are you trying to hook me up with your cousin?" I asked sincerely.

"Because she's just as bad, if not worse than you."

"I'm not following."

"Just trust us on this one. We think this will be good for you. Now sit in this chair and let me cut that ridiculous hair of yours so some child with cancer can be happy."

"Really? You guilt me with _that_?"

There was no sense in fighting with her; I knew this, but I couldn't help it. I was stubborn and headstrong. Besides, she just basically tore my pride to shreds with just words and I wasn't going to let her off that easily. Sora may have been too afraid to question her, but not me. I had no attachments to her.

"At least I don't look like a walking skeleton. Sora, go to McDonalds and bring this girl a burger."

"Is that _really_ the best you could come up with? Oh, Sora, if you're really going to do that, I want one of those big macs or something. And Riku looks like he needs a McFuck off." Kairi said, unfazed.

Damn it, she's good.

_Too good_.

"Riku, your blind date is in two hours. Are we going to do this or not?!"

"Stress can cause wrinkles."

Okay, I was proud of that one.

"You know what else causes wrinkles?"

She was calling my bluff.

But before I was able to respond, her fist met my face.

"OW!"

"You should have seen the way your face scrunched up. I counted about twenty lines."

"KAIRI! What the hell?!" I yelled. I probably had a black eye or something.

"Nothing a little makeup can't fix."

"Riku, you should have just done what she told you to." Sora spoke.

"You're taking _her side_?!"

"Yes, and I don't have any bruises."

"Fuck you."

"Love you too!"

o.o.o

"Oh... god... why...?!" I ran my fingers through my now shorter, more layered, ugly, disgusting, hair. It didn't even make it to my shoulders. I felt ten years younger and that didn't make me happy. I wasn't happy, damn it!

"I think you look _dashing_." Kairi grinned.

"Shut the hell up."

Sora came in holding a simple black, _tight_, might I add, short-sleeved shirt, a denim jacket and brown corduroys. Seriously, I didn't even know that those still existed. Kairi rushed over to him and hit him in the head.

"You call this _stylish_?!" Kairi shook her head. "I guess I have to do _everything_ around here..."

"They were in Demyx's closet. It was all I could find." Sora reasoned, but was ignored.

"The black shirt and denim jacket stays. But Sora, I'm really questioning your credibility as a man."

"You didn't when he was telling me the difference between heels and hooker shoes." I mentioned. "Although I'm still convinced that they're the same thing." my eyes shifted down to Kairi's shoes. Why was she wearing them in the house anyway? And how could she even stand?

"Why are you wearing heels in the house?"

"They're not heels. They're wedges."

Apparently, wedges were another type of shoe.

"So?"

Kairi handed me some dark wash baggy jeans and ordered me to go and change. We only had about thirty minutes left and she was determined to be on time. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to do this. I mean, apparently I was nothing but a whiny little bitch.

And that was just what I did. Whine and complain.

"This shirt is too tight."

"It shows off your muscles." Kairi said.

"No, I mean it doesn't fit. I feel like those Victorian ladies that tied their corsets too tight and nearly went into cardiac arrest just to hide their flab."

"I can get you a corset. Axel has some." Kairi offers.

"Sora, aren't you the least bit concerned that Kairi lives with two guys?" I ask.

"No, simply _because_ Axel has corsets."

"Okay, what about Demyx?"

"Corduroys." Kairi answers for him. "They don't like boobs."

"...Sora just chose corduroys."

"I didn't know they had a name." Sora fired back. "And it was dark."

"Do you always get dressed in the dark?" Kairi asked him.

"If I did, you would have said something about it, dear."

"There have been questionable times."

"And every time, you have corrected me. Kairi, we men aren't wired the same way. That's why we need beautiful women like you to remind us that we can still be presentable." Sora felt like he won this one.

"Please," Kairi was obviously not flattered. She grabbed her keys off of the counter and motioned us out the door.

o.o.o

Kairi and Sora dropped me off without even telling me what this girl looked like. Instead, they said to just let the host or hostess know that I was here for some blind date and they will know immediately what to do.

Of _course_, the hostess was somebody that I knew.

"RIKU!" Selphie jumped up and down.

"I must be in the wrong restaurant. So sorry." as I turned to leave, a bright light shone in front of me. It was like the doors to heaven had opened and an angel appeared; an angel dressed in white. Her blonde hair glowed; the look in her eyes could stop traffic and cause explosions from all the wrecks. If it wasn't a sin, I would admire her curves—oh hell, I was already doing that. Please, for all that is holy, let this be my blind date...

"Great, you two are here!" Selphie ushered us over to a table.

Wait, light! Come back... I wasn't done...

"What can I get you two to drink?" Selphie asked.

"Huh?" I was too busy staring at this girl in front of me. I was probably creeping her out, but I was mesmerized.

All of Kairi's bitchyness was forgiven.

"Two waters, then? Be right back!"

The girl seemed uncomfortable. She wouldn't look at me and just scanned the menu. Was she not immediately attracted to me? Sure, I may look like crap with this new haircut but I thought I had a lot going for me. I was tall, sexy and muscular. Beneath my tough exterior, I had a heart of gold that only the right girl would see and right now I felt like this girl had it going on.

"My name is-"

"I know your name."

Oh god, she's probably just like Kairi.

"Let's get this over with," she continued, "I'm only doing this for the money."

"Money? What money?"

"I'm getting $100 just to come here."

...Kairi...

Oh... _it's on_.

"Great, then you'll be paying for the dinner."

o.o.o

o.o.o

**A/N:** Let me know if I should continue with a **review**.

By the way, I like making Kairi come across as a heartless bitch for humor purposes. Better than her crying every two seconds, right? I don't hate her. Really. -grin-

Review, favorite, follow, whatever you want!

But I'd prefer to read your thoughts.

Just sayin'.

=D


	2. o rly

**A/N:** Wow! Thanks for all of the reviews, everyone! Glad this story is able to start out with a BANG! But the only way I will honestly continue it is if you continue to review. That's my motivation. Not even kidding. So please, it may not take long, just write something you liked, hated, etc. at the end. Authors look forward to that. There will be something for everyone in this—I'm really mixing the pairings this time. **If you would like to request a pairing** that does not appear in this chapter, do so in a review! Still trying to figure out who to pair Axel with...

o.o.o

**Apples and Oranges**

Chapter Two

o.o.o

Be as it was, I ended up paying for both of our meals in the end. Namine claimed that she didn't get paid yet because she had stated it in the future tense, thus making me take the fall.

I stormed back to Kairi's house and almost knocked down the door in rage as I went inside. It was eerily quiet—and dark.

"KAIRI HIKARI, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

I heard shuffling of covers and bed squeaking coming from upstairs. A few moments later, Kairi and Sora emerged, fully clothed at least with confused looks on their faces.

"Back so soon?" Sora questioned.

Target: acquired.

Ready... aim, shoot.

"You PAID that girl to date me?!"

"Huh? No..." Sora looked back at Kairi, who's innocent facade suddenly turned into that prideful, heartless demon that we all knew.

But it came across as pleading.

"Oh, come on, Riku! How else was I supposed to convince her to go?"

"YOU PAID HER ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!"

"One hundred dollars?" Sora pondered, "I thought you needed that money for your grandmother's medications!"

"You lent her the money? You're guilty by association!" I yelled, now mentally adding Sora to my hit list.

"She still got her meds! Just... not... legally." Kairi said quietly.

They came downstairs. Sora didn't scold her at all and it was really bothering me. I mean, your best friend's heart just got stomped on and you do absolutely nothing about it? And then I'm considered the bitch?

The doorbell rang behind me, throwing us all off guard. Sora answered it for us, leaving no barrier between me and Kairi. Was it bad that I was really considering stamping the scarlet letter on this girl's forehead and hanging her out in public for everyone to see?

"Riku, here." Sora handed me what appeared to be my wallet.

"You left it at the restaurant." the angelic voice was heard, but I knew better. Namine stood at the door.

"You're the devil and she's your spawn!" I pointed defiantly at Kairi, then started going through my wallet to make sure the gold digger didn't take anything.

"Hardly. She learned everything from me." Namine said in that casual manner that Kairi flaunted constantly and stepped into the house. Sora closed the door and we were all engaged in an awkward, rage driven silence for like two seconds.

"I told you she was worse." Kairi examined her nails absentmindedly.

"Alright, it sounds like we all just need to start over." Sora forced us all into the living room. I noticed that he made sure Namine had nowhere else to sit but beside me."Now, Kairi, apologize."

"Why should I? I was only trying to help."

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, the money will help me with my three year old child." Namine rolled her eyes.

"Three year old?! Aren't you only seventeen? You're _that_ promiscuous? What the hell?!" I had heard it all now.

"Riku, she was being sarcastic." Kairi pointed out matter-of-factually.

Namine faced me, "I will date you for one hundred dollars a week. That includes holding hands, hugging, the occasional kiss on the cheek and a Facebook status change. Anything else and the price goes up."

"What is this? An escort service?!" I had no idea why this was happening to me. "Wait, how much for you to sleep with me?"

"Oh, you couldn't afford that, sweetie." Namine scoffed.

"You know, that almost sounds reasonable. Riku, I think you should consider it. Then you wouldn't have to pretend like you're the big man on campus anymore and maybe you would put away your diary for once." Kairi said aloud.

"Does nobody _care_ about my feelings?!" I butted in.

"EVERYONE, JUST SHUT UP!" Sora yelled.

So he _does_ have a backbone.

"What the hell is going on?!" Demyx appeared, disheveled and in his boxers. "So that's where my clothes went," he stared me down.

"Now _that's_ what I call a _man_." Namine smirked, as if I wasn't sitting right there.

Pride, woman. We have pride, if nothing else.

"Who's this beautiful flower?" Demyx came closer to her. "She's adorable. New pet?" he asked me. This sent Namine into a rage.

"Pet? Who the hell do you think you are to refer to me as such a thing?"

Smack.

"Whoa, lady. I have a boyfriend that will kick your ass. No need to get feisty." Demyx moved away from her.

"Told you." Kairi mouthed at me.

Namine stopped for a moment. "Boyfriend?"

"Guess her gaydar isn't working properly. Yes, I have a boyfriend and yes we think that vaginas look like Venus fly traps."

Our mouths gaped open in shock.

"I'm done." Namine and I both said in unison. After an awkward moment of realizing that we were in sync, we parted.

"Are you leaving? Wait, just give me my clothes back." Demyx said, "You can take them off here, I don't mind."

Ignoring his desperate plea to see me naked, I went for the back door, because my house was just over the fence and she went—well, I don't care where she went. This entire evening had been a complete nightmare.

And damn it, I was still lonely.

"Oh my God, Riku, what happened to you?" My mother asked upon arrival.

"I just got my heart ripped out."

"No, I mean your hair."

Pause. Blink.

"I'll be in my room staring down the barrel of a .45."

"Don't forget, you still have laundry in the dryer." My mother said, as if she didn't hear me just threaten my own suicide. Sighing, I made my way up the stairs, each step more daunting than the last. Sure, I could get any girl I wanted, but I could also break their heart in a moment's notice, which is what I always did. You know why? Because I didn't like them. They were all superficial and stuck up. Like Namine. I can't believe I thought she was sent from above.

It must have been the whiteness.

But it just irks me that she doesn't want me. This is Kairi's fault. If I had my hair and was able to choose my own wardrobe, this would not have been a problem. Namine would have returned the money and been head over heels for me.

...then I would have just left her a few weeks later.

Sigh... what is wrong with me?

o.o.o

At school that Monday, I reluctantly sat with my normal group of friends—or couples, rather, during lunch. I was like the 5th wheel because I never had a steady girlfriend. Sure, girls would come and go, but most of the girls that I had things for didn't get along with my friends. And that's a turn off.

What? I'm allowed to have preferences.

"Roxas, since when did you start wearing hipster glasses?" Kairi asked as she violently stabbed her chocolate milk bag with a straw. She enjoyed that too much...

Roxas set the book that he was reading down on the table, adjusted his fake glasses and said, "Ever since Xion started mistaking my twin brother for me."

We all waited for an elaboration.

"There they were... on the couch... on top of each other... tongues swishing, hands all over..." Roxas shuddered, "...I said something, something that I don't remember and she immediately jumped off of him. I say, _what the hell_, and all she does is run off. This is like the fifth time this has happened! See these circles under my eyes? I couldn't sleep at ALL last night because Xion was begging for my forgiveness all night!"

Kairi chuckled. "Okay, but what does that have to do with you wearing glasses?"

"...maybe she won't do it anymore if there was a way to tell us apart." Roxas said sheepishly as he put his head down in defeat.

"Shouldn't you be more worried that Ventus was making out with her?" Sora asked. "If anything, he knew what he was doing."

"Please," I said, "this has happened _five_ times already? I think you're dealing with a tramp."

Xion came over to the table and set her tray down by Roxas, who just turned the other cheek.

"Xion, you made out with Ventus?" Kairi asked, paying no mind to the fact that it was obviously a very sensitive subject. Xion froze in place.

"God, Roxas, do you have to tell them all of our secrets?!" Xion cried and went to another table.

Roxas just sighed and stayed in place; he obviously looked too tired to deal with anymore downtrodden BS at the moment. I didn't blame him—I hated drama myself, even though somehow I was always causing it in one way or another.

Namine sat at an empty space at the end of the table, away from us all. She was wearing humungous black headphones as she just stared down at the disgusting cafeteria food before her. She was a bit more covered up today; her red, white and gray plaid shirt was buttoned all the way up and her jeans weren't suffocating her. She tied her hair back and almost looked like a normal person—as opposed to the _angel_ I had mistaken her to be before.

"Why isn't she coming over here?" I asked aloud, not really meaning to.

"Namine hates chewing sounds. She doesn't like eating with others." Kairi responded.

"But she just had dinner with me yesterday."

"Was there music playing?"

"I don't recall, but probably."

"Did it end fairly quickly?"

"I think you know that answer."

Kairi sat back, as if her point was proven. However, I was still lost. I watched in even more confusion as one of the most rebellious jerks in the entire school sat down right next to Namine, took her headphones from her and put them to his ear.

"Give that back, Vanitas, before I put your hand in a blender." Namine threats, trying to grab it from him. He persists on holding it high above her head in a teasing manner as he chews on some mashed potatoes that he took from her plate, making her cringe.

"It's like nails on a chalkboard to her." Kairi shuddered.

And now I am at a crossroads.

Generally, in situations like these, I am the first to rush in and save the day.

However, this was the girl that only dated me for some measly money.

Therefore, I decided to just get out the popcorn and enjoy the show. She didn't deserve my help.

"Sora, is it bad that I wouldn't mind trading you out for Vanitas for a night?" Kairi gawked.

"Whatever, Kairi. My feet are twice as big as his."

"What are you implying?" Kairi raised an eyebrow.

Kairi undressing men with her eyes in front of Sora was a common occurrence, so my focus went back to the two at the end of the table—who, now, were apparently laughing. Namine had her headphones back but had put them off to the side and was listening intently to something that Vanitas was saying, then proceeding to laugh with him some more.

Well, nice to know that she knew how to laugh.

"Oh, Nami, you know I'm only messing with you." Vanitas tugged lightly on her cheek.

Wait, is she blushing?

"They're best friends." Kairi clarified.

And here I thought she would actually get what was coming to her.

But as I watched the two exchange happy gestures, I started to feel a bit... jealous.

I wasn't used to rejection, yet Namine had done it so easily. And now she was flirting with that jerk right in front of me?

Wait, why did it matter?

It didn't. It didn't matter at all.

Vanitas and Namine noticed us staring at them—well, me in particular. He took one look at me and nearly choked on his drink from laughter. Namine must have said something to him.

Alright, you wanna fight?

"Yo, Riku! Nice hair!"

Bitch, you don't know me.

Kairi busted out laughing. Even Sora and Roxas joined in.

I really needed new friends.

"I'm having a party tonight, everyone. Come on by. There will be... cheese and crackers and stuff." Vanitas said. He and Namine stood up and walked off.

Hell no, I'm not going to go to your _party _on a Monday night. (Who does that, anyway?) And no, you _can't_ bribe me with _crackers_. There's no way.

...unless I'm dragged down the street against my will.

And that was exactly what happened.

o.o.o

**A/N**: Okay, so Namine's dislike for chewing sounds is real talk. It all started back in Korea... I mean... ahem. Do you have a strange pet peeve?

**REVIEW! OR SORA WILL BE GAGGED AND MIGHT DIE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. YOU KNOW I'LL DO IT.**

=D


	3. stfu

**Apples and Oranges**

Chapter Three

o.o.o

I'm starting to believe that Kairi has truly sadistic tendencies.

"NO, STOP! I'LL GET RUG BURN!"

"If you would have just obliged, this would not have been a problem. Now shut up before I plaster skid marks across your face with Axel's truck!" Kairi says as she drags me to the door. How much freaking strength does this puny girl have?!

Sora comes out of the kitchen, a bag of chips in hand. I dramatically reach out to him for help, but he just shrugs and follows us out the door.

Some friend you are.

So you may be a little confused about me and Kairi's so-called 'friendship.'

It's the classic love-hate relationship, without the relationship. When I first met her, she was sweet, cute and innocent. We were only eight years old and I had stumbled across her on the beach one day. I gave her a flower and she accepted it. Then Sora showed up. They hit it off immediately – if eight year olds could fall in love, they would be the first to prove whatever social science theory wrong. They were inseparable. Then somewhere along the line, Kairi started becoming verbally abusive, probably around the time she started her you know what.

She's the most brutal around that time. I never have to ask, but I still do for irritation purposes, because hey, gotta counter her somehow, right?

But yet, I'm never good enough. She's always one step ahead of me. As soon as I find out what makes her tick...

Anyway, I'm glad that Sora and Kairi got together. She's the one girl that I just _can't_ see myself with. She's almost like another 'bro.' So don't take her insults too seriously, deep down I know she cares. Pay her no mind and eventually she will disappear. (Kind of hard to do when she's dragging me down the pavement, but I have to block it out. It's a coping mechanism that I have yet to perfect).

It's the key to survival.

But tell me, after years of abuse from Kairi, how could Namine possibly be any worse? I felt like I was prepared for such instances.

I was not.

o.o.o

When we got to Vanitas' house, I was astounded at how many people were actually there. Thank goodness for being six feet tall, or I would have been sucked into the endless abyss of teenagers. The mixture of alcohol and cigarettes intoxicated my nostrils and nearly made me sick. I may have been no stranger to the party scene, but I at least had decency. I would never-

All of a sudden, I was tugged in the opposite direction and into some dark place, presumably a closet given the close proximity to my captor.

"What the-?!"

A light switch turned on and Namine was in front of me. She had a frightened look on her face and could barely stay still.

"Listen, you're going to have to pretend to be my boyfriend tonight."

"No." I said sternly, ignoring her supposed disposition and heading for the door.

"Riku!"

Oh, come on... don't _beg_...

She has those puppy eyes...

It's my only weakness...

But thanks to my coping exercises, I was able to stay calm and collected.

"Again, no." I reached for the doorknob, but she squeezed herself in front of me. Mind you, this closet was very small.

"Look, my ex boyfriend is here and I want to show him up. I believe your macho persona gives off the vibe of being the alpha male."

"What?" was all I could say.

"You're much hotter than my ex and that could make him feel inferior. I hate him."

Blink.

"You think I'm hot?"

"No, just hotter than Seifer."

Well, that was true. But I still wasn't understanding. Girls are so confusing.

"Why won't your _best friend_ do it?"

"He retreated to his room with some girl named Selphie. Please, Riku?!"

Cringe. Bad move, dude... you'll regret it...

"What's in it for me?" I ask, feeling like I actually have some control for once.

"The comfort of the previous statement." Namine says bluntly.

"I'm already over that. I need some sort of tangible incentive."

Namine sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. She then started to remove the strap from her tight red dress to reveal a smooth, bare shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"You want sex, don't you? I've got a few minutes."

I wasn't sure whether to be offended or not.

I ended up getting slapped and watching as her strap returned to its rightful place.

"You idiot! ...I'll pay you."

"Is everything settled in money?"

"I'll give you two hundred bucks."

"Hold on a minute. The other day you told me that you would pretend to date me for half as much. Are you that desperate?".

"Yes." Namine cleared her throat and stepped back a little."Now, in order to pull this off-"

"Namine, you don't need to explain to _me_ how to be a fake boyfriend. Just remember, _you_ started this."

"You're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?" Namine scoffed.

"Are we having our first argument? Hold on, let me get the Kodak."

"Tch..."

"Do you want Sora and Kairi in on this?"

"They're not stupid enough to believe that I would just hook up with you out of the blue."

"I don't know," I put my arm around her shoulder, "You seem to like doing rash things."

"It's hot. Let's get out of this closet, please?"

"Is it? Or is that just me?"

Chuckle.

Namine just stared at me.

Okay, I get it. That was lame. Let's proceed.

o.o.o

Even though I was getting paid, I took this opportunity as a chance to get back at Namine for her wrongdoings, and ultimately, Kairi. I kept her close to me, much to her dismay and just walked around as if this was natural. I was a pro at pretending to like someone, since I hated being the one to break a girl's heart. But in the end, they would run away crying and I would just ignore it by marathoning through various comedies such as _How I Met Your Mother_.

But did that mean that I had to feel sorry for Namine?

No.

"Whoa, when did you two start going out?" Tidus, an old friend of mine asked.

"Ever since first response told us six days sooner." I replied. Namine's eyes were wider than saucers. Tidus didn't really understand, but he wasn't one to dwell on things for too long anyway.

"Right on!" he disappeared into the crowd.

"RIKU, WHAT THE HELL?!" Namine slapped me once more.

"There you are," Sora and Kairi appeared holding red cups.

"Kairi, hit him!" Namine demanded. Kairi didn't hesitate to do so.

"What did he do?" Kairi inquired, sipping on whatever alcoholic beverage that the cup contained.

"Nevermind. I don't need you." Namine stormed off.

"Wait, sweetie! You left your dignity!"

"Riku, I'm confused." Sora said.

"She wanted to show Seifer that she was better off by paying me but in the end she couldn't handle my sexyness."

"...okay then."

o.o.o

That wasn't the last I saw of her that night.

"Riku, everyone thinks that you impregnated me!" Namine yelled as I tried to take refuge in the cheese and crackers.

Sue me.

"So?"

"Seifer called me a whore!"

"Namine, I'm not some sort of toy that you can do as you please with. If you wanted Seifer back, take it from me, dating someone else would only add fuel the flame. We hate drama and playing games. Just tell him you want him and-"

"What would you know? You've never been in love." Namine glared.

Ouch...

"Still, I'm a guy, therefore I know how guys work."

Did she really have to say that?

"Whatever. You're just a heart breaker."

This was why Namine was worse.

"You don't really know me."

"I don't need to. It would be a waste of time."

"So why are you still here?" now she was starting to get on my nerves. "Why don't you go pay your ex to take you back? Bet you'd give him a pretty nice discount on a blow job."

I knew that was mean, but I was tired of always being misunderstood.

I heard a sniffle.

Great, I made yet another girl cry.

...but why did I feel so terrible? I mean, I always felt terrible when I did this, but...

S-she started it!

Namine left without a word.

Right after, I was spotted by Selphie, who immediately brought on the drama.

Did I mention that she was the one ex that I swore to stay away from?

Time to bounce.

o.o.o

**A/N:** Oh no, poor Namine. Please leave a **review**! You guys are awesome!


	4. smh

**Apples and Oranges**

Chapter Four

o.o.o

What did I do when I wanted to ignore my problems?

Netflix marathon—with the guys.

"DID THAT TITAN JUST EAT HIS MOTHER?!"

"Swallowed her whole." Roxas answered casually as Sora nearly barfed.

"They're just... tossing the people into their mouths like candy..." Sora added, almost falling out of his seat.

"By the way, why are they naked and have huge anime eyes? I don't get it." I asked. "It's like they _want_ us to think they're cute."

(_A few hours go by)_

"Oh... oh... god... why..." Sora was ready to rip his hair out, "why... did... they _all_ have to _die_...?!"

I was trembling and I also felt sick, "...let's... turn it off... I can't... take this..."

"I won't be... able to... sleep tonight..." Sora said..

"Me neither..." I agreed.

Roxas just laughed at us.

"So what do you want to do now?" Sora asked after calming down a little, but just then, his ring tone for Kairi went off. It was kind of creepy.

"You used the death ring tone from One Missed Call?" I raised my eyebrow. Smooth, Sora.

"I've been meaning to change it."Sora answered the phone. "Hey, love! ...oh, you want me to come over? ...so you _did_ buy that... _ohh_..." Sora was getting giddy, "I'll be right over. I love you... no, I love _you more_!"

Leave it to the _girlfriend_ to ruin our fun.

"Get out of my house." I demand, throwing a pillow at him. Sora leaves and Roxas and I just sit there for a while in silence.

"I wish I could get laid half as much as he did." Roxas says.

"Uh... yeah... by the way, how is Xion?"

"We're... taking a break."

"Oh."

And that was that.

After playing some video games, Roxas left later that night and I fell asleep.

o.o.o

"Let's go to the beach," Kairi brings up as we follow her down the school hallway. The final bell had rung and I was more than ready to get out of there.

"You, me and Sora?" I clarify, not too thrilled.

"I can invite... Selphie." Kairi says as she fixates her evil eyes on my manic depressive ex-girlfriend.

"NO!" I protest, but nothing else comes out because Selphie immediately notices us and comes over.

"You guys are going to the beach?"

"Yup and Riku needs a date. Come with?" Kairi grins. Sora feels uneasy.

Selphie gives me a hopeful look and then gladly accepts her invitation. I have to find a way out of this...

Just then, I spot Namine.

"Namine!" I ran over to her and put my arm around her shoulder. "Kairi and Sora are going to the beach and-"

"Go suck a cock." she swings away from me and keeps moving towards Vanitas, who was waiting for her at his locker. Selphie comes up and grabs my arm and I scream as I'm dragged away into the pits of hell.

I guess I never explained why I avoided her like the plague.

Selphie and I dated last year for about three weeks. As soon as I asked her out, she got all obsessive and clingy. She would call me a million times a day and if I didn't answer, she left long, depressing voice mails. If I didn't say that I loved her back, she threatened to kill herself. One time, she told everyone that we were engaged to be married. When we broke up, I was forced to change my number, e-mail, house of residence (a.k.a Kairi or Sora's house for a while) and really considered changing my name and moving to another galaxy.

Kairi knew all this.

"You know what? Stop." I broke free from Selphie's grip. "Kairi, come with me." I grabbed Kairi's bony arm and forced her aside. She crossed her arms and waited for me to speak. "This is going too far. You _know_ that I hate Selphie."

"Namine's been picked on all day because of YOUR little rumor." She shoots back.

"So is _that_ why? Because everyone thinks Namine and I did... something...?" I start to sweat.

"Oh my God." Kairi gasps and points at me, as if she's come to a sudden realization. "You... Riku, you're a _virgin_, aren't you?!"

"Where the... HELL... did you get _that_... idea?!"

On top of that, everyone was staring.

"Riku hasn't popped his cherry yet!" Kairi 'squee-d' and pranced past me over to Sora. "Sora, did you hear?! We must arrange a sacrifice to the gods!"

"Eh..." Sora rubbed the back of his head. "I already knew this..."

"S-S-S-so what?!" My face was probably ten shades darker from embarrassment.

It was true.

"Does that make me a bad person?!" I yell, hoping I can at least get some people on my side. However, my reputation as the 'player' precedes me.

"Not particularly." Kairi says, "I was just surprised. It's no big deal."

And now everyone knew.

Fine, I guess that's fair.

I wasn't exactly ashamed of it.

Every time a girl would try to get intimate, I would either change the subject or make up some silly excuse. Why? Because I was insecure as fuck.

_Flashback_

I was dating an older, college girl by the name of Tifa. We were sitting in my room—on my bed to be precise when she suddenly places her hand on my thigh. Panicked, I moved away.

"What's the matter, hun?" she leans in closer, "Don't you... want me?"

"Uhh... I'm gay."

_End of Flashback_

Yes, that was how bad it was. (I'm not gay, I swear).

Kairi comes back over to me and whispers, "If you apologize to Namine I'll get rid of Selphie."

"What?!"

Did I _really_ need to apologize to a girl that couldn't make up her friggin' mind?

As I looked over to the locker where Namine and Vanitas were, I saw Seifer approaching them.

I guess I do have to fix this.

I went on my merry way down the hall to break up the seemingly inevitable clash between Vanitas and Seifer, while little innocent Namine just stood there and took whatever insults were directed at her.

"You got a problem?" Vanitas stepped in front of Seifer.

"Yeah, I need a _word_ with my _girlfriend_."

"Last time I checked, you two broke up."

"Alright," I interrupted, but once I saw Namine look at me, I completely forgot everything that I wanted to say.

"Well, well, look who it is." Seifer said, turning his attention to me. "Riku Harada. Popular with the ladies but yet his entire persona is a big fat lie. You've never gotten laid? That's hilarious!"

"I'm sorry to give off such false perceptions, I guess that's partly my fault, but all the things you _think_ you know about me are simply assumptions made by judgmental pricks that have nothing better to do but talk shit about others. So you need to step off and get out of here before things get ugly."

"Ugh, Vanitas, let's just go." Namine grabs his hand and pulls him in the other direction, but Seifer is quick to respond.

"_So, buttercup_, how far along are you? You're not showing yet, so it must be pretty _recent_ that this happened to you. Wow, you sleep around _that much_? Bet you don't even know who the father is. You-"

Just then, I punched him right in the face. Seifer flew back and hit the locker, causing a loud thud and everyone to look over. I expected him to come at me, but he just slumped down on the floor. I turned to Namine.

"Look, I'm sorry for making everyone think that you're pregnant. It was a joke to get back at you for... you know," I decided not to reveal anymore personal business, "and I was mad." I raise my voice so everyone can hear, "People, I did _not_ get Namine pregnant, she's _not_ pregnant by anyone else, so just go back to your lives and get over it."

"So you think you've redeemed yourself?" Namine says, still a bit upset.

"For my own conscience, yes. In your eyes, I don't know, but I'm sorry. Really. I'm not a bad guy."

Namine was a bit taken aback.

With that, I went back over to my group. Selphie was giving me starry eyes. Seifer was still sitting on the floor; a few girls were attending to him. I didn't care. He deserved it.

"Selphie, new plan. We're going to the beach without you. Bye!" Kairi pushes Sora and I down the hall as fast as she can.

"Really? That's your way of getting rid of her?" Sora asks.

"Is she with us?"

"...no."

"Hey, whatever works." I smile. Kairi was actually nice to me.

"Guys, wait up!" Vanitas and Namine caught up to us. "Can we come too?" Vanitas asked. Namine just stared at the ground.

"Sure!" Sora replied.

Kairi grabbed Namine and the two girls walked ahead of us, laughing about different things.

And that was when I noticed a sort of... _glow_ about her. Not the 'angel glow,' but something else. I couldn't quite explain it.

And off to the beach we went.

This should be interesting.

o.o.o

**A/N:** Sorry for the delayed chapter! Since this is part humor I want to make it absolutely perfect and I'm not always satisfied. But I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you let me know in the pretty little box below with a **review**! Follow, favorite, and have an awesome day!


	5. wtf

**A/N:** Fun fact for the day: I cannot write chapters with Times New Roman font. That font annoys the hell out of me. Is that weird? So I use "SimHei" at 10.5.

o.o.o.

**Apples and Oranges**

Chapter Five

o.o.o

"Namine, get in the water! It's great!" Vanitas tried to splash the blonde, but she moved even farther away, only to bump into me. She quickly stepped aside and cleared her throat.

"Do you _know_ how much whale sperm is in there?! Don't come crying to me when you're carrying one of their babies." she crossed her arms, as if she was very proud of herself. We all were grossed out by her statement.

Okay, that _glow_ I talked about earlier was gone.

"That's why the water is so salty," of course Kairi had to add to the fire. Sora and Vanitas ran back onto the sand and fell over.

"Ugh! Just shut up, okay?!" Vanitas started rolling around in the sand for some unknown reason. Sora looked like he was going to be sick.

"I just think Namine doesn't know how to swim." I say. Namine glares at me.

"I... I do know how to swim!"

"Swim then. Swim away!" I made swimming motions with my arms in a mocking manner.

"Not in sperm infested water." Namine began walking in the other direction. "This was a stupid idea. I'm going home."

"I don't know what your obsession with sperm is," I call after her; almost too loudly. Okay, I just told her that I _wasn't_ the bad guy, but... damn it, this was too much fun! However, she wasn't slowing down and nobody else was going after her, so by default I had to do so. Why? I don't know, just because I felt like it was my duty? Leave me alone.

Namine jumped onto the sidewalk and refused to acknowledge anyone around her. This girl was huffy and puffy and would probably blow m- wait, now I'm rambling. I'll just say... she's spunky. She was definitely not the type of girl that I was used to. I was used to overly obsessive preps that clung to me at every second because of my dashing good looks. Namine wouldn't even pay attention to me unless she wanted something. I wasn't sure if I should be hurt or not.

Alright, I guess I had to do this the old fashioned, cliché way.

I started to sing the first song that came to mind.

_'When you wish upon a star,  
Makes no difference who you are...  
anything your heart desires will come to you...'_

Namine stopped and turned slowly; she gave the most defying look. I sang like an angel and she knew it.

_'If your heart is in your dream  
No request is too extreme  
When you wish upon a star  
as dreamers do...'_

"What... the fuck..." Namine deadpanned. I took a bow.

I guess I should tell a little background. I had a dream once about some wooden puppet named Pinnochio. We got sucked into this huge whale (hey, that's why it was the first song that I thought of!) named Monstro and had to find our way out. However, I always woke up before I was able to escape. I guess I never got closure from that dream...

"You are... insane..." Namine was still too stunned to move. I walked up to her with a huge smile on my face.

"You loved my voice."

"No, you sounded like a dying rodent."

"That hurts!" I said dramatically, but I wasn't offended at all. Namine gave me one last prolonged glare before turning to walk again. Surprisingly, she had nothing else to say. I followed her in silence for a few minutes; I wasn't sure why I was so tempted to go after her. I guess I just liked messing with her. She was like the Kairi that I actually could have without being Kairi.

Okay, now I'm not making any sense. Namine was Namine.

And boy was she _different_.

In a way, she was like a challenge.

I like challenges.

"Why are you following me?!" Namine yelled. We were in some suburban neighborhood that I had never seen before. I grinned widely and shrugged. "Seriously, Riku... I don't know what is wrong with you, but-"

"I think I like you." I blurt out.

Oh, shit. I didn't mean to say that!

"You... what?"

"I mean... I think... I..." crap. It was too late.

Namine was speechless. This was also a common reaction to my sexyness.

"Well, there. I said it. No use in denying it."

"Hmph!" Namine stomped off. That went fairly well, in my opinion.

I couldn't help but feel a bit stupid.

o.o.o

At school the next day, apparently everyone knew about my little crush on Namine. This, in turn caused Namine to be picked on even more. It always happened to the girls that I liked/dated by other girls that were jealous and couldn't wait their turn. Once again, I had to come to the rescue. Namine was surrounded by a few girls. I marched over there and pulled her away from them; the girls were too shocked to refuse. Namine actually looked sad. I wrapped my arm around her and held her close to me while I scolded the whores for messing with her. They scurried off and I was left in the middle of the hallway with a seemingly vulnerable Namine.

I heard sniffles.

"Are you alright?"

"Let go of me!"

"I can't quite figure you out." I didn't let her go. Instead, I wrapped both of my arms around her. It's funny how small she was compared to me. She fit... perfectly.

Namine didn't move.

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Sora appeared with Kairi, who turned into a giggling maniac. Namine and I separated from each other in embarrassment.

"He... he..." Namine was probably going to say something demeaning, but she couldn't quite get the words out. Instead, she ran off in the other direction.

"So... Riku, we _heard_." Sora nudged my arm.

"I just knew you two would be great together!" Kairi squee-d. "Just give Namine some time. You're all she ever talks about!"

"Kairi!" Sora yelled and she immediately covered her mouth.

"Oops!"

"She doesn't hate me?" I asked, but was ignored.

o.o.o

At lunch, we were listening to yet another chronicle in Roxas' emo life. Apparently, Xion finally started dating his brother and her reasoning was, he whined too much. Well, I didn't disagree, but at the same time, it wasn't like we didn't see it coming.

"Damn it, I loved her and she just... she just..."

"Why don't you go and join Zexion and the Cutters over there?" Kairi told him. "I can put in a good word to Demyx for you."

"Is that actually his band's name?" Sora asked.

"Yes. They think self-harm is sexy."

"But the question is, do _you_ think self-harm is sexy?" Sora questioned. Kairi took a moment to think about it, then hit him.

"No, but I think it's sexy when you whimper because of me."

This didn't surprise me.

"I have to get her back, you guys." Roxas stood up, "I can't lose to my brother! He takes everything from me!"

"Your resume is perfect." Kairi got up and went over to Roxas, "Come on, I'll introduce you. Put your hipster glasses on. You'll fit right in!" she dragged Roxas off in the direction of Zexion's table. None of us did anything about it. Kairi was going to get her way.

Namine and Vanitas sat down at our table. She didn't make eye contact.

"I really love Kairi, you know?" Sora said dreamily as he watched her push Roxas to talk with Zexion and Demyx. She was finally able to get him to sit down with them, then skipped happily back over to the table.

"Roxas is going to write songs for them!"

"About what? Dying?" Vanitas spouted.

"Most likely." Kairi shrugged.

Namine put on her headphones and ate in silence. She wasn't trying to insult me, she wasn't adding to the conversation, she was just quiet. _Too quiet_.

"Hey, I have an idea! Everyone, come to my house tonight for a sleepover!"

"Kairi, it's a school night." Sora pointed out.

"So? Let's just skip tomorrow."

"You know I can't do that." Sora reasoned, but was ignored.

"Come or I'll kill you."

"Y-Yes m'am."

She shot me a glare as well, "That means you too."

"Fine."

o.o.o

o.o.o

**A/N:** Going to end it here! Sorry for the long wait with this chapter! Leave a **review** and maybe I'll update soon! :P  
Axel shall make an appearance in the next chapter ;D


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